Essays

Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object?

Can there be a love which does not make demands of its object?

In other words, Is there such a thing as unconditional love, can you want someone without needing them… I think a very short answer to this would be a simple NO.

I mean, think about it; Have you ever been in a relationship where you found that you did not make demands of the other person and that the other did not make demands of you; almost definitely and in fact I might go as far as saying definitely the answer is no, it’s not possible, and in practice, it’s almost inconceivable, but what’s interesting about it is; we as human beings want this to be the case, we so desperately try to cling on to this idea or fantasy if you like.

We want someone who will solely and utterly want us for us and not need us to fulfill some role or certain needs that they have, even though we want them for exactly that reason. I used to have this saying, I don’t want someone who needs me, I want someone who wants me, meanwhile every relationship I had consciously put myself in, I knew was because I actually needed those said individual.

As humans, even our selflessness is tainted with selfishness, and so it’s almost impossible to even conceive of such a relationship, where no demands are placed on the beloved by the lover. Be it a romantic relationship or a friendship (Philia) or even a parent and child relationship (Storge), both parties are always placing and will always place demands on each other.

That’s not to say that you cannot help someone out without any strings attached, but that’s totally different from a relationship, and it’s still not to say that relationships are only transactional, because they sure as hell are not, but, it is a harsh truth that relationships are hugely transactional. Even when we say things like relationships are a two way street, that’s exactly what we mean.

I can almost guarantee, that every relationship you’ve ever been in, whatever form it may have been of; was or is,  supposed to ideally serve some purpose, some function for you, if not, you wouldn’t be there, there would be no point to that relationship.

It might be a harsh and sad truth to realize; that such a love does not and probably cannot exist, maybe with the exception of the christian story (even if you don’t believe in it, the story still potrays that sort of love) but it is one that needs to be taken in and internalized.

Please follow and like us:
error
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments